In some ways she envied him, and in some ways she wished more than anything else to never become like him.
It was a strange ambiguity, something that intrigued her about him and his careless ways, just as much as it repelled her. He was like a magnet to her, and there were times when she felt like she would forever be stuck in that strange limbo, just inches before two oppositely poled magnets meet. Those seconds where they seem to come together but somehow, miraculously, always evade each other at the last second, pushing the other one away.
She’s not blaming him, they were both pushers, yearning for more and more and other things than those they already had – always for the things they didn’t have.
There’s so much to want in a life, she didn’t know how people ever manage to be content with anything because there’s always more to want. She wanted it all and in some small ways she got that, but in others, she didn’t and that included him.
She’d always wanted more from him than he could give her, there was a fine line that could not be crossed with him, the place where she ended and he began.
She didn’t want that line to exist and she didn’t want for him to want its existence. And leaving from a place that you love so much is hard when the only reason for the leaving is that your love is too big to be contained in two bodies.
But there came the day when she had to draw a line, too. Not between him and her, but after them. She had to put an ending to it, an unhappy one at first but as with all good stories, she started to view theirs differently with each time she re-read it. And she’s re-visited it a thousand times by now and she’s come so far that she can appreciate it for what it was; a splendid sequence of life well shared, between two people who just were not right for each other.