2021


Ramblings / Monday, December 27th, 2021

some vignettes from this year, in no particular order;

The people in it; being each other’s shoulders to lean on, trusting each other with our heavy hearts as well as the
inappropriate belly-laughter, whether we’re oceans apart or living across the hall from each other.
A clever man once said: “The world is truly round and seems to start and end with those we love,”
and the world has seldom looked rounder to me than this year.

Pink skies behind the row of houses opposite, and the people that live across from me
who I’ve never met but somehow feel connected to because I see them across the street every day,
in their rooms, at their desks, sitting on the sofa, switching off the lights before bed.
I wonder whether they think the same of me, and wish me well, too,
with the good-natured friendliness of strangers?

A rainy walk down Upper Street equipped with coffee, buying the first tentative Christmas presents.
Taking a new way home while dusk is slowly falling, I realise that all the doors are adorned with wreaths
and all the windows are glowing with Christmas lights
and I even see a couple putting up their decoration on the Christmas tree,
and the wet pavement beneath my boots is glittering from the street lamps above me,
and I wonder whether anyone has ever before seen this world like I have,
while knowing ever so well that it must be so, and thinking that it is a very beautiful world indeed
(especially around Christmas time).

A newfound soul-friend who tells me the story of her symbiotic friendship over our lavender lattes in a café tucked away from the busy streets of Notting Hill;
he’ll give her a dozen eggs freshly hatched by his chickens, and she’ll give him carefully crafted Spotify playlists in return.
A good deal if you ask me.

Looking through the photo albums I’ve kept since I was 14 years old; like watching a lifetime pass by,
while I peel various versions of myself from the pages and look at them all, with compassion and some wonder, too.

Live music; sweat and incredible joy, The Vaccines in particular.
Spotify wrapped told me that I’ve been obsessively listening to them this year but, to be honest, I didn’t need Spotify to tell me I’m obsessed with them.

Crying in all sorts of places; park benches, the kitchen, on my bed, walking down the street, in front of Pret –
from sadness, frustration, anger, but also from happiness.
The strangest amalgamation of feelings that have hardened into something that
I carry with me always, without it being heavy.

A weekend in the middle of Switzerland with blue skies and grey skies very close to each other,
dinner right next to the river and tongues heavy already, but hearts light as a feather.

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